when a friend dies...

where do you keep them?
how do you not forget them?
how do you get closure?
how do you move on?
how do you go on?
jeff hirst.... i will miss you

it's been a while.

i appologize.

 

Seal my heart and break my pride.

There will come a time i will look in your eye, you will pray to the god you always denyed. Then i'll go out back and ill get my gun. I'll say "You havent met me I AM THE ONLY SON!"

As I've mentioned before there is absolutely something strange about snow that makes me want to get drunk, so ive got to hurry with this post before it gets too late to start morning drinking... 

The year after i graduated highschool i went back to brazil to visit my homeland, and my extended family. i was there for about five months. in the land of underage drinking. it was amazing. 

But one night in particular, after much bragging about how i hadn't thrown up from drinking in two years we ( my cousin, my american friend and this other dude) went out to a club to begin the night.. (and end the night i guess too)

anywho, after my first blackout experience almost every blackout experience after that was pretty closely related to the others.

This club.. is what heaven would have been.... You go in, make an account, they get your fingerprints on an automatic thing, and get your credit card information and your address. 

When you order your drinks all you do is put your finger on the screen at the bar and then order... thatw ay if your too drunk to pay at the end they can just bill you. with this magical bar at my fingertips the possibilities were absolutely endless...

Seven shots in.... of god knows what... three beers, some winecoolers... and whatever else it was that i was drinking my heels started giving out.... and the dancing began to get crazy.... my recolections are as follows.

black---

im on the floor

black--

someone says its time to go

black--

we didnt go and im still wailing around like a fool

black--

were in the car

black--

someone is throwing up around me outside the car and its rice

black--

we forgot about the guard dog in the house and almost got killed

black--

my aunt was awake and bitching

black------

wake up.

"what happened laast night?"

"well... after we told you it was time to go you decided it was time to start being beligerent.... we threw up on (the dudes) shoes.... my mom had to hold the dog down so it wouldnt attack us... .you tried to pee on the couch.... i hit my head on the toilet from puking so much.... and you said you didnt need pajamas because you are brazillian."

well....

i puked?

 

 

Drunken Nights version 1

okay heres some entertainment for the day.
Roughly.... about three years ago my girls and i were drinking at my best friends house... 2 liter bottle of gray goose. and a case of natty (30 pack)
theres only four of us by the way.
and our tolerance was not what it is now.
anywho, the goal for the night was for me to black out, because i am one of those people that like to try everything at least just once.
So on go four little girls drinking way too much vodka way too fast with no chasers and just shots.
last thing i recall is the vodka running out and me going... "but im not blacked out yet!" so Friend number 3 being the great friend she is, handed me a natty and said "drink this, youll black out" i shit you not i dont even remember finishing or opening that beer for that matter.

however as i was woken up at five in the morning the following story was told to me:

-You... walked down the hall, my little sister (at the time 11 or so) watched you take your pants off and throw them in her room..... walked into my older brothers bedroom (he was about a year older then us and not home that night, and i hated him so to this day i swear it was subconsious revenge) sat on his bed... and proceeded to piss on his bed like a toilet.

after much angry yelling and arguing and denying from me, with fists full of rage i storm out of bed to fight when i realized...
i indeed was not wearing pants...

and THATS my first blackout story.
the end.

 

too early for nonsense

do you get that feeling when you wake up before noon and you are practically hungover even though you havent drank anything?? thats how i feel every morning before noon.
goddamn cosmetology school is messing with my psyche.
i find it incredible how i can wake up at eight in the morning, do my hair put on my face sell two books on amazon dress myself all in fourty minutes
yall can star carving a trophy whenever....

Winter Storms & Boatlike cars

Cold weather brings memories
Picture this: snow.... (its like fluffy and white, but melts in your whole fucking body just like rain and its a pain in the fucking ass.... in case you dont know about this phenomenon thats been going on)
picture: two fucking bored out of their minds girls, trapped in the house, no work since we cant drive to it.... a hard drive full of disney movies... and no alcohol..whats a girl to do?
luckily i live a mile away from a grocery store, and have combat ugg boots with metal on the back (youll find out later this is not so lucky) 
so on go two little girls walking in the snow for a mile to get to kroger to hopefully be able to buy alcohol underage.
halfway through the walk the metal heels on the back of my uggs start digging into my heel (which end up becoming a three inch cut on my heel that never fucking goes away because it just gets worse anytime i put shoes on. hense four months later... the cut is still alive and breathing)
but we march on because alcohol is the greater quest and worth every blood spilled.
arriving at kroger we decide to buy a case of Michelob Ultra (we considered wine but you know how it is... its too easy to carry and we obviously wanted a fucking challenge.)
the young naive cashier proceded to sell me the alcohol bless her heart and we march out for the mile walk home...

needless to say.. worst walk ever.
an 105lb girl should not carry a case of beer for a mile whilst suffering from an injured achiles heel.
so i made my roomate carry it most of the way and still bitched for most of the walk.

but this story does have a happy ending
30 beers later.... And about 8 disney movies later... we happily passed out into a drunken comatose. :)
Prince of egypt
lion king 2
mulan
robin hood
the road to el dorado
the hunchback of notredam
Aristocats
and Lion king 
just in case you were wondering ;)

Used to dream of time machines.

life full of stories. stories lacking life. 
As the first of the blogs. i shan't bore with background stories or deep centimental bullshit.
but where the fuck has time gone?
Seems like just yesterday i was wearing sundresses without panties on showing all the neighbors how i was just like all the other little girls... and in a blink of an eye 16 years passed and I'm turning twenty.
as modest mouse once said... "the years go fast and the days go so slow"
Heart cooks brain and i'm not quite sure what the fuel is.

But goddamnit if i can't find someone to help me put my boots on and face this weather.

I've dedicated my life to myself, and i have no regrets. with my companions by my side i have no fears and i could walk this life blind folded just as long as the humor kept rolling.

ok i lied. i did give a little background, but well keep that on the downlow.